Monday, March 16, 2015

Life Book and Life

Wow....the days and weeks just seem to be going so fast lately. I have worked on and completed a few more of my Life Book 2015 lessons! I am really looking forward to working on the ones I have waiting for me. So many new things to learn and so many techniques to work on getting better at. And the supplies!!! Oh lordy I need 5 jobs so I can shop for art stuff whenever I want too!! You all know what I'm talking about! LOL Especially now that I'm actually using the supplies that I have been "collecting" for so long, I need to replenish the basics regularly!

As for life....well it's the everyday ups and downs. March 15 would have been my Dad and Mom's 42nd anniversary, but this was the second one without her. Mom has been gone for a year and a half now, some days it still feels like it happened yesterday and some days it's not as painful, for me. For my Dad it's always painful and he misses her and still cries almost everyday for her. He keeps busy and looks after his littlest grandsons (7 and 3) and they keep him on his toes and he does things for his Mom (93) and his brother so he's on the go alot, and I'm lucky that I get to spend time with too and with the little ones. But somedays he just mentions Mom and he tears up, or he forgets the words to a song he wants to teach the little ones and cries because he says Mom would remember all the words. I know everyone in my family struggles with the loss still, but we all had our own lives, but for Dad his whole life was wrapped up with my Mom's.
I miss her every day, I know people say it gets easier, I haven't found that yet. It's just different. I miss showing my Mom all the things I make or create, she was my biggest fan when it came to my creative stuff. And she was usually the recipient of all the new things I came up with. My kids miss her, they were very close to her and there was no one in the world aside from me that my son was more loyal too. It broke my heart that his 18th birthday (legal in Alberta) had to be celebrated just 8 days after my Mom passed and 4 days after her service. He didn't want to celebrate at all, but we had to remind him...if Grandma was here she'd be all over taking him to a pub and buying him his first legal drink and I think it helped that my Dad said he was coming out. The things family does to protect and help the ones they love. I still have days where I just don't feel like it's real and I have days where I'm angry and days where the littlest thing or a song makes me cry and then there are the moments when someone says something about Mom and we all laugh. Those are the best moments, doesn't mean I don't miss her, but it's nice to laugh when we talk about her sometimes too.

Life in general is......challenging. Still looking for work as my current job is not enough hours to survive. There has got to be the right job out there for me!! I just keep getting up everyday and trying and applying and really try to not let the negative take over....ans sometimes that is a job all on it's own! But I can't wallow in the bad stuff, it doesn't do me any good and it certainly won't make the day better.

I have been doing some work with The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and making a few steps forward with that. Trying to declutter and  organize was my first month's goals and my second one is too make a more concentrated effort on updating my blog at least weekly, sharing more of the creative things I love and find on my interent adventures and also to put myself out there and work on some projects and apply for some design teams! These are things that although I can't make them my job, they do make me happy and I love to create!

Thanks all for checking in and we'll talk soon!


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